soaked-in-bleach

my name is renato, i'm 16 and i live in miami. i like listening to every kind of rock music; some of my favorite bands being nirvana, metallica, iron maiden, pink floyd, anthrax, slayer, megadeth, black sabbath, radiohead, coldplay, red hot chili peppers, led zeppelin, etc. i idolize and look up to three people in this world; my parents and kurt cobain. i can't stand most of today's music, especially new-school rap, which lyrics i find to be completely idiotic and pointless. i am currently a sophomore. last year i used to go to a school at which i got bullied the whole year. i transferred to a school to which all my friends were; but all of them eventually turned on me for no reason at all. since then i've been isolated from society, which i can't stand at all; i think most people of my age are similar, which makes them pathetic from my point of view. i've never had a girlfriend in my life, and at this point i've completely given up on finding a girl because i'm not generally attracted to girls with huge tits and big asses; i just want a girl who i can talk to and understands me...and shares my love and passion for rock music...would be pretty cool if someday i actually find a girl like that. actually, i did find someone who meets all those characteristics, but she lives too far away from me and is like a sister to me, so i wouldn't really consider dating her. even though i'm not homosexual nor bisexual, i must admit that i'm sexually attracted to kurt cobain. i get easily irritated by people being around me and i'm not that much of a social person. my dad thinks that's weird and is looking for some help so i become more social...but he doesn't understand that it's not that i can't make friends, it's just that i don't want to. even though i'm a virgin i consider myself to be kinda addicted to sex...i'm horny all the time, but that's okay, my will is good, i wouldn't have sex with someone i don't truly love...even though i would really like to get raped by a rocker girl someday. i love animals, especially horses and dogs...i own a labrador retriever by the way. i've always liked horse racing and i would like to own a horse when i grow up. i'm somehow obsessed with death and i would love to know what happens when you...well, die. i'm short but i would really like to grow at least 5 more inches and i think i'm ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you. i've attempted suicide once but failed to accomplish my goal obviously, 'cause if not then i wouldn't be writing this right now. i own a guitar and i'm currently learning how to play it, but i'm not very good at it, but i guess it just takes practice. my dream is to be a famous musician and then kill myself, just like kurt cobain. i really like babies and i enjoy making other people happy, even though i never get anything in return, but i'm already used to it, so it's okay. did i mention i support gay rights and i'm 100% against animal cruelty? well, if i didn't, now you know. sometimes i think i deserve better and i actually deserve to be happy...but i guess happiness wasn't made for me. i really hope i can go to another school next year, 'cause i honestly can't stand my current school anymore and i'm fucking sick of it...and even more sick of the people in it. oh, and whenever i get upset or let someone down, i beat myself up until i bleed...and i enjoy every second of it. so yeah...in case you haven't noticed, i hate myself and want to die.